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Observations on Human Connection & Contribution

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Archives for June 2021

#41: Sniffing for truffles

I went looking for a thick book to put underneath my computer monitor, to elevate it to a more ergonomic position. I found a ~4-year old yoga manual that I hadn’t used because it was unsuitable for my sporadic practice. As I flipped through the pages however, I sank into the couch savoring the creative ways to sequence postures. I now had a container in which to apply this practical wisdom. “I’ll use this one”, I thought as I put it aside. I then moved on to an academic text that had felt overwhelming because of the dense content and small print. I opened it for a quick glance and was astounded by how much of it made sense and was now within grasp. “Ok, so not this one either”. Then I saw a random coffee table book of maps but found myself enjoying it given my interest in different cultures and people. This happened repeatedly, book after thick book. I would pick up my thickest oddball books only to realize that books that seemed peripheral or aspirational a few years ago genuinely pulled me in now.

I wondered how my past self had managed to surround me with material that my present self found compelling…almost felt like a gift from the past. How did she know?! It seems that something in her was drawn to a kernel of interest and she picked up these books with open-hearted curiosity and without an ounce of agenda. She didn’t push herself or try to impress others. She was attracted to certain ideas and created space for them even when she wasn’t completely ready to absorb their depth. These are the things that I surrounded myself with even before I completely knew why I was drawn to them and what to do with them.

You’ll likely have your own unique and varied collection of things that interest you. These interests may seem disparate, of little practical use, and you might even feel that you are extending into too many things. But we find ourselves like a hog searches for precious and fragrant truffles. We go sniffing on our internal trails of natural curiosity next to our trees of interests, we breathe in the fresh air of freedom and get stamina to keep going through non-attachment. This journey can take time, sometimes a process of years. Quieter patches of life interspersed with bouts of intense activity and at some point, ideas and inspiration start firing like they never did before. No matter where we are in the journey though, every time we spar with one of our genuine interests, we come back to the world renewed and refreshed. Also, no matter where we are in our journey, we have to practice patience. Anything worthwhile takes time to mature and bear fruit…and finding and living out our unique selfhood is one of the most worthwhile tasks of a human.

“Some days I am more wolf than woman and I am still learning how to stop apologizing for my wild” ― Nikita Gill

#40: Ongoing adjustments

I like plants but only in the last few years have I acquired any real skill or interest in taking care of them. It started with an “easy to care for” succulent. I bought it for my desk at work but when the beautiful little thing started turning gray, I took it home in search of better light. The windows in that house only had two speeds―full shade or full sun and the plant was never really at home. Then I moved and the new location came with a range of light options. I gave the succulent a nice spot on the piano with indirect light and it became so abundant and gorgeous that I embraced the identity of an amateur gardener. I started leaning into my love of plants and acquired all sorts of interesting flora, some did well and some I killed but every success pulled me into another plant.

Then a friend gave me a Myrtle topiary for my birthday and I fell in love with its contradictions. It was most elegant, stately looking thing but so very tiny and delightful. It reminded me of those single family homes that have driveways, entrance pillars and balconies that make them look like miniature villas. My tiny Myrtle flourished in the first spot I offered it by sprouting new growth quickly, and I couldn’t wait to replant it in a real pot instead of the plastic default it came in. Then summer came and I fertilized all my plants per the directions. All did well; the Mini Monstera, the Chinese Evergreen, the Prayer Plant…but the myrtle went into immediate shock. The leaves dried out and it lost all its vibrance. As I write, I am trying to resuscitate it with a twinge of guilt. How did I not realize that its delicate system couldn’t handle the fertilizer!

As care-related thoughts swirled in my head while watering my plants today―this one needs more shade, that more sun, this needs misting, that wants pruning―I realized that we humans aren’t so different after all. We have seasons that require different types of care, we have growth and rest cycles, we evolve as we grow and may need to be repotted into another environment or need a bit of pruning to remove excesses so we don’t break our structure with dead weight. And we get shocks to our system for a variety of reasons; including lack of care or wrong care. The important difference between plants and us is that we have the ability to change our environment by making adjustments ourselves instead of waiting for someone else. We are our own amateur gardeners. Of course, sometimes our experiments may injure us but these ongoing adjustments are part of the process of self-creation.

“We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty.”― Maya Angelou

Watering my plants

#39: Unseen impressions

Like many people, I’ve been on endless video calls over the last year. A few of these were facilitated sessions where, for one reason or another, the facilitator invited attendees to close their eyes and turn inward. I noticed that sometimes after closing my eyes, I would have the imprint of an image for the first few seconds. The first time I really noticed was because I saw the outline of someone sitting in meditation, like the buddha. For a very brief moment I genuinely thought that I had connected to a deeper, more anchored, part of me and that’s why I was seeing this calm outline. Then I opened my eyes to realize there was a massive buddha statue behind the teacher in an otherwise sparse background. I found the source of my imprint and it made sense. “Of course!!”, I thought and then moved on to forgot all about it.

Then a few months later, in another facilitated session, I saw the outline of a person with a large square next to them and a little square inside the large square. It was as if someone had painted these clear details in shades of charcoal. I kept on going with the assigned exercise and when I opened my eyes, I saw that my partner for this exercise was sitting next to a window with a small square box fan on the window sill. In this exercise, we were invited to offer deep presence to the person in front of us. All my attention was on my partner and I had not even noticed the window, let alone the box fan. Yet, all that information was imprinted behind my eyelids somehow. I didn’t make this happen consciously and even now that I’m more aware, this doesn’t always happen. It seems that for these impression to appear, a few conditions need to be present: the canvas of a quiet and empty mind, accompanied by a prolonged gaze, followed by closing the eyes to let the impressions appear. When my mind is hyperactive or when I look briefly, I don’t absorb all the details. When I gaze and don’t close my eyes, clearly I don’t see the imprint.

This makes me think if there are intellectual parallels to this and whether this holds true for our minds in general. What needs to be true for us to absorb information; when does the information make an imprint and when does it dissipate; and most concerning perhaps…what impressions might we be absorbing without even realizing?

It’s worthwhile to observe our unseen impressions. What are we making space for on our mental canvas, what do we spend our uninterrupted presence on, what do we think about when we turn inwards?

“The work of the eyes is done. Go now and do the heart-work on the images imprisoned within you.” ― Rainer Maria Rilke

#38: Karma Yoga in times of likes, shares, and comments

The Bhagavad Gita defines yoga as skill in action, or discernment. Yoga isn’t just the posture we take on the mat, it’s the posture we take in life. The Gita goes on further to define a game-changing concept called Karma Yoga or the yoga of selfless action.  It’s not just philosophy, it’s philosophy in action. It asks us to participate in life actively without getting attached to the outcome of our actions. 

Imagine tapping into that deep well of creative force within. Where experiences, skills and dreams collide to put this seed of creation within us; that fear-free source that enables us to build whatever it is we want to build in life. So imagine that you tap into this very personal creative force within you, and then you start working towards your goal and in the process also battle fears and noises within. Then you start sharing some of your ideas and work with the world, and perhaps people start liking, sharing, commenting. You get 20 likes on this idea, 500 on that. You start thinking…maybe I should have posted a picture to get more likes and shares. Maybe I should tone it down because the audience isn’t ready to hear my deepest ideas. Maybe saying that will make me un-hireable in the future. The work hasn’t even really begun and our brains get hijacked by thoughts of how this or that is landing with our audience. We inadvertently start training ourselves to crave attention, creating this neediness that insidiously starts defining our self worth, creating attachment to every minor outcome in the process.

There’s nothing wrong with us. We are inherently relational and designed to care but what if instead of seeking likes, shares, comments and constant validation:
1. We kept bringing attention back to the original work we set out to do? And what if we repeatedly brought with us the heat of self-discipline? This combination of attention and self-discipline helps build courage to turn down the incessant internal chatter that says we’re not good enough. Showing up to do the work makes it so that we don’t get off-roaded so easily by the highs and lows of likes, comments and shares. Yoga calls this self-discipline Tapas.
2. We allocated time consistently for contemplation to separate the fear from focus? To understand the fluctuations of our mind and become more aware of things that integrate us with ourselves and our highest potential. Yoga calls this self-study Svadhyaya.
3. We did our work and then let it go, attaching the fruit of our labor to something larger than our self-interest? We cultivate a trust that we did our best and then release the work into the world with as much neutrality as we can muster; offering our actions to humanity. Yoga calls this act of devotion and dedication Ishvar Pranidhana.

These aren’t principles designed to create a joyless and overly ascetic life. On the contrary, practicing these allows us to tap into that powerful well of creativity and joy without asking for perfection in action. They teach us to show up fully at the right moment to give our all and then detach with love so we can keep on creating, actioning, living fully and powerfully. Self-discipline, self-study, and devotion (or Tapas, Svadhyaya and Ishvar Pranidhana) are a subset of personal observances that, when combined, form the foundation of Karma Yoga. And this yoga of self-less action helps us align powerfully to meaningful action, which by the way every faith speaks to.

We don’t do the work for likes, shares and comments. We do the work because we seek to make a change and a contribution. Let’s focus on our contributions instead. Our own unique rendition of Karma Yoga.

“If the Final Hour comes while you have a shoot of a plant in your hands and it is possible to plant it before the Hour comes, you should plant it.” ― Prophet Muhammad (Peace be upon him)

Hi friends, I’m taking a brief pause and will post again on June 21. See you soon!