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Observations on Human Connection & Contribution

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Seeking: Observations related to pursuit of self and purpose

#71: Thresholds and applied learning

This post builds upon my last one on thresholds and pauses. By threshold I mean any undertaking that is different from what we’re currently doing or have ever done. Once we determine that we are indeed crossing a threshold, we may need to go searching for knowledge and tools to upskill. And we will likely encounter many intriguing and useful ideas during our exploration. Realizing that we know little, there may be an urge to unblock ourselves not just for the imminent threshold but preemptively for future ones too.

There is a bounty of affordable and high-quality knowledge out there; with as many functional frameworks as there are thinkers and organizations. While plentiful information is a blessing in general, it can be disabling if we approach it with a scarcity mindset and binge on whatever ideas we encounter. The key to progress isn’t to know everything and become an expert, it is to understand the context these frameworks are designed for and how they generally fit together. We don’t need to absorb every detail, just make note and categorize compelling ideas, frameworks and tools as resources to call upon when the right time comes.

We don’t prepare for all thresholds, we prepare only for the relevant ones. Because we won’t cross all thresholds in our limited timeline on earth. Every concept under the sun is more helpful and resonates deeper when it is actually applied vs. learned in theory.

“Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.”― Rainer Maria Rilke, Austrian poet and novelist.

#62: The delicate blue sky

One thing that all astronauts seem to have in common is the awe at witnessing our earth from afar. They speak of the deep emotion and tenderness they felt in the moment and the lasting perspective shift. They mention the thin blue line of our fragile atmosphere, the thing protecting our precious planet from the onslaught of space to make life possible. The same sky that appears to those of us on earth as infinite, everlasting and indestructible. While we enjoy the sky and its many stories―the dawn, the multihued sunsets, the star-studded night sky, and the enchanting moon―we don’t really think about the sky itself. It’s such a constant that it’s often invisible to us. We think it has always been there and it will always be there.

But the astronauts see it differently. They know what’s on the other side. Their veil of illusion has been lifted, making them aware of our small yet important part in maintaining or breaking this natural order. They know how fragile this nourishing blue sky actually is.

Certain life events have the power to show us our version of the delicate blue sky full of similar paradoxes. Each of us will experience these mind-bending and soul-altering events at some point in our lives. Childbirth and loss of a loved one are two examples that come to mind. They will make things more visible and impossible to take for granted. They will highlight the life-giving qualities of something alongside a sharp reminder of its fragility. They will pluck us away from our everyday to shove us in the presence of the divine. They will create a desire to tend to something deeper alongside a primordial reminder of our impermanence. They will create anxiety and discomfort.

If we sit long enough in this discomfort though, we’ll see a kernel of fearlessness amidst fear. We will see more clearly the things we have control over and those that we don’t. We will realize how truly miniscule we are compared to the limitless life. But we might also see that each of our lives has significance and a unique assignment the way each cell in the body does. And that this significance lies In shaping ourselves and contributing in ways only we can; in tending to our unique little footprint in time and space with integrity and love, not in the outsized actions and wins that popular culture might have us believe. Life asks us to tend to only our footprint, no more and no less, not because it wont fade but because before it fades it will impact another and through them another.

When you wake up to your own realization of the delicate blue sky, pause long enough to soak-in the questions that animate you. Note your version of the delicate blue sky. Note what you are called to tend to. Because when we each tend to our small footprint, we ensure every version of the delicate blue sky is tended to across time.

“Look again at that dot. That’s here. That’s home. That’s us. On it everyone you love, everyone you know, everyone you ever heard of, every human being who ever was, lived out their lives. The aggregate of our joy and suffering, thousands of confident religions, ideologies, and economic doctrines, every hunter and forager, every hero and coward, every creator and destroyer of civilization, every king and peasant, every young couple in love, every mother and father, hopeful child, inventor and explorer, every teacher of morals, every corrupt politician, every “superstar,” every “supreme leader,” every saint and sinner in the history of our species lived there–on a mote of dust suspended in a sunbeam.
…There is perhaps no better demonstration of the folly of human conceits than this distant image of our tiny world. To me, it underscores our responsibility to deal more kindly with one another, and to preserve and cherish the pale blue dot, the only home we’ve ever known.”― Carl Sagan, Astronomer and Astrophysicist. Pale Blue Dot, 1994

#61: Language as a bridge to the new

Language isn’t just a tool for conversing. It helps us perceive what we couldn’t see before and build what we couldn’t imagine before. But we often fall into the trap of judging people based on their language. The words they use or don’t, their familiarity or ignorance of ideas, and especially when they question perspectives we deem morally right.

We judge because language also creates emotion, which makes it harder to see another’s framework, contexts and influences. However, language’s superpower is its ability to invite in the new, first by creating paths to each other and then to the futures we wish to co-create…but first we need to learn how to handle language effectively. Donella Meadows (environmental scientist, systems thinker, and educator) offers crisp words of wisdom in this regard: “The first step in respecting language is keeping it as concrete, meaningful, and truthful as possible―part of the job of keeping information streams clear. The second step is to enlarge language to make it consistent with our enlarged understanding of systems. If Eskimos have so many words for snow, it’s because they have studied and learned how to use snow.”

None of us were born with the knowledge or perspectives we have. Someone taught us what we know. We honed our thinking by interacting with people, ideas, cultures, sub-cultures, and institutions. So did they.

For instance, if I go back to say 2015, I wasn’t aware of or using pronouns. That idea was introduced to my awareness by people and contexts, and repeatedly, so it doesn’t seem out of the ordinary anymore. But I bet if I use pronouns in certain circles even today, they won’t know or understand. That bridge wasn’t created for them. Same with cryptocurrency, carbon offsets, singularity and so on. And honestly, could I explain these ideas to anyone using Donella Meadows’ litmus test of concrete, meaningful and truthful language without referencing the internet first? No, I can’t. Most people are likely in the same boat. We know a little about a lot and a lot about very little.

Rather than judging others’ lack of awareness, we can direct our attention to the combination of ideas that intrigue us or seem valuable. We can hone our own thinking and language. We can share what we know and keep learning about what we don’t. The unfamiliar and intriguing will become familiar enough to shape our lens on the world.

We invite in fertile futures first through thoughts, then words, then actions. Great movements start with ideas and words, which when captured as accurately and cleanly as possible become bridges for others, alive and unborn.

“We don’t talk about what we see, we see only what we can talk about.” ― Fred Kofman, organizational advisor on leadership and culture.

#58: The wells we dig

I recently asked a Vipassana meditation teacher why students who aspire to serious practice are dissuaded from practicing other techniques since they seem quite compatible to me. For those that are unaware, Vipassana or insight meditation is the practice of paying close attention to bodily sensations through which one sees the ever changing nature of existence. It was a longer conversation that covered many ideas but one point struck me particularly hard—she said “if we dig one well, we can get to the water faster as opposed to digging four wells”. 

This makes practical sense. I’ve found that I learn best by toggling between intellectual learning and experiential doing. Each act of doing then brings up additional questions that I can take back to my intellectual digging. It’s a repeatable loop of learning >> doing >> observing and getting curious >> coming back to learn more >> taking deeper action and so on. And it’s not just me. This loop occurs for all of us when we hope to really get to the core of something. This level of commitment takes persistence and patience but most importantly, it takes time.

Then, once we have a certain amount of rooting in one practice, we can better understand other flavors of knowledge and practice within the same broad discipline. For instance someone trained in Tango might be able to better note the differences and similarities with Waltz, and perhaps learn a thing or two from them. An artist who favors water colors can still relate to and appreciate another who favors oil paints. Each practice can lead to a nourishing and generative experience, just the way different techniques of meditation can lead us to equanimity and different entrepreneurship journeys can lead to exponential self-awareness and growth. But it all begins with the discipline of putting on our dancing shoes, picking up the brush, sitting on the meditation cushion or pouring into our business idea day after day without self-judgment.

When we find ourselves spoilt for choice, it’s easy to jump to the next practice and the next, and then another when the going gets tricky. Every time we jump to the next thing, we get a temporary hit of optimism but over time all it does is sap our resilience and our ability to focus and commit. This is human wiring but the world we live in feeds these distractible parts of our nature. We jump from one thing to the next because we don’t want to miss life but that is precisely the recipe to missing life. Digging a few high quality wells helps us get to the water faster but also shapes our character. When we dig one well that is meaningful to us personally, we reclaim the ability to carve ourselevs in a way that we choose to be shaped. We then bring that awareness and commitment to the rest of our life and interactions.

It’s worth defining the wells we want to dig in our very limited time on earth. We owe it to ourselves—to our one precious life—and we owe it to the rest of humanity because when we dig our unique well, the rest of us get to drink that sweet water.

“Let me run
at break-neck speeds toward sceneries
of doubt. I have no more dress rehearsals
to attend.” — Major Jackson, Poet

#56: Universality and uniformity

Amin Maalouf, a Lebanese-French author, wrote about the role of identity in our lives. He talks about the many layers of identity each of us carries within ourselves which form a blend to create each person’s individual and very unique personhood. The book explores the need to accept our different identities without forcing them into bland uniformity bereft of color and nuance, and to honor this diversity while tapping into the universal desires and dignities that exist across religion, color, nationality, gender or any other consideration.

The idea that there can be universality without uniformity is a useful framework for our times, where we continually bump into those with experiences and identities different from ours. I’d like to apply this idea to a few other fundamentals of being human:

  • We all need sleep but each person has different requirements. Do you sleep early or late, need 6 hours or 9, prefer a hard mattress or soft-as-clouds bed?
  • We all want to feel safe but what makes each of us feel safe differs. Is it healthy parents, a caring partner, well-established children, good health, ample money in the bank, a home in your name, or a full fridge? 
  • We all need meaningful human connection but vary in the quantity and the source; the frequency of interaction, the makeup of social circles, and volume of people we crave varies.
  • We all crave respect but what makes us feel respected may be different. Do we need cultural, verbal or physical gestures? Recognition in front of others, or a raise?
  • We all hope for growth and to be the most that we can be but how we invite that growth into our lives varies. Do we want to read more books per year, travel, run a marathon, get comfortable with public speaking, or raise a thoughtful child?
  • We all crave to understand the purpose of human existence at some point in our lives but we seek those answers and wisdom in different ways and through different lineages.

Skimming the surface of relationships makes us push for uniformity, which can create further disconnect, whereas staying aware of our underlying universality can help open new ways of seeing and relating.

Imagine each of us as a plant. Here’s a rose and there’s an oak tree. A rose cannot be an oak no matter how hard it tries and the only way to create an oak forest is to suppress all roses contained in the soil. Using uniformity as society’s primary tool for cohesion is like wanting a forest lacking in biodiversity; it drives us towards a world with very few expressions of humanity. But when we tap into universality, we get rooted into the omnipresent core within each of us and start seeing the other as yet another expression of humanity rather than a threat. Universality can help us see that underneath the collective soil, the rose and the oak tree might hold hands one day.

“I am only one, but I am one. I cannot do everything, but I can do something. And because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do the something that I can do.” ― Edward Everett Hale