Working Meditation

Observations on Human Connection & Contribution

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#52: What kind of an X, Y or Z will I be?

What kind of a change-agent will I be? What kind of a parent might I be? Will I make a difference in the world through my writing, entrepreneurship, both, or something else? Can I create material impact? What kind of an athlete could I have been; and could I build parts of that potential despite long-term injuries, and decades later than typical? Do I have the ability to travel to a culturally rich hotspot in the middle-east on my own? How long will it take to become this new iteration of me?

None of these questions can be answered just by thinking. They require action. We will never know what kind of <insert dream here> we could be until we start walking and falling on that path. The key is knowing which path is ours and which isn’t. Not which we have decided is ours because of optics and others expectations of us.

The kicker is that sometimes it’s not that easy to parse out which hopes and dreams are intrinsically ours, which have been lovingly welcomed through osmosis with others, and which are not ours and should be gracefully set aside. That osmosis by the way isn’t a bad thing, it’s a natural offshoot of human bonding and can be healthy or unhealthy based on the situation. It takes a heavy dose of self-reflection and honesty to know oneself and acknowledge that while a path may speak to us, we may not be well-suited for it yet, or suited within a certain context, or ever.

Perhaps this question can help clarify if it’s even worth taking the first step: “Do I innately feel it is worthwhile to take a few exploratory steps on this path?”. If the answer from deep inside is no, then please listen. Life is too short to waste on unfulfilling endeavors. If the answer is a yes, take that step despite fear but know that anything worthwhile takes time. We don’t get results day one or even year one. Even if it’s worthwhile, it often is a process of discovery and change. We dream the questions, and then live them.

“One of the loneliest things you can find is somebody who is in the wrong kind of work.”― John O’Donohue

#43: The courage of idealism and hope

Let’s level set first by defining what I mean by an idealist. Dictionary definition: one that places ideals before practical considerations. Given current zeitgeist I should also add that to me an idealist is someone that engages in meaningful action (even if private) and not just talk, and isn’t driven by the need for excessive public adulation. With that out of the way, let’s proceed.

Most people will tell you that they hope for a future that is kinder, more inclusive, equitable, and abundant and yet we use the word idealist as a slight against those that dare to dream and care; as a shorthand to say that this person doesn’t understand the realities of life. In a culture over indexing on the immediate, anything that doesn’t guarantee a short to mid-term outcome is considered a waste. We forget that these idealists, optimists and visionaries see the same broken parts, feel the same sadness and distress that we do and instead of becoming cynical, closed and selfish, they choose the expansiveness of hope.

Humans have instincts to leave the world better than we found it, but we are also instinctively self-protective, tribal and prone to othering. When this instinct for self-protection mixes with the awareness of our fundamental fragility, it creates a push towards selfish and short-term thinking. We become incapable of imagining a future that doesn’t have us in it and because we crave to experience the gains of our labor, we try to bring that more abundant future to us…sometimes by stealing from it. This manifests in us creating business models that become sustainable only by ignoring ethical considerations, products that destroy precious natural ecosystems, supply chains that dehumanize those that we don’t come in personal contact with, user interfaces that spool people in threads of addiction and consumption that they find hard to untangle from.  When this fear-based part of us wins, we also create divisions and hierarchies that further feed the instinct for self-protection―sexism, elitism, racism, ageism to name a few.

There is no “they” that inflicts these pains, it is “we” that do. And humans will continue inflicting hurt in one way or another till we roam the planet. I’m not making harsh judgments, I’m trying to be as clear-sighted as I am capable of being. Given certain circumstances, conditioning, information or lack thereof, each of us―me included―is capable of contraction, of harming, hating, picking up arms and thinking short-term. And each of us is also capable of expansion, of caring, empathizing, nurturing and loving.

We have a choice in what parts of humanity we feed. When we beat on idealism and hope or when we other someone instead of engaging in dialogue to understand their worldview and realities, we feed the destructive side of humanity. With all that is stacked against us, isn’t it better for us to embrace hope, idealism and thoughtful engagement rather than kick those in the shins who had to muster unusual courage to stand on wobbly legs to lead and support the rest of us to a better future. So lets pause before our next mental eye-roll and instead provide the idealist with missing information, context and practical realities to fill their knowledge gaps. If they miss the mark, let’s not jump in and question their judgment to make ourselves look smarter or more informed. Let’s engage them in conversation and concern not combat.

“…hope…I understand above all as a state of mind, not a state of the world. Either we have hope within us or we don’t…Hope is not prognostication. It is an orientation of the spirit, an orientation of the heart; it transcends the world that is immediately experienced, and is anchored somewhere beyond its horizons…

Hope, in this deep and powerful sense, is not the same as joy that things are going well, or willingness to invest in enterprises that are obviously headed for early success, but rather an ability to work for something because it is good, not just because it stands a chance to succeed. The more unpromising the situation in which we demonstrate hope, the deeper that hope is. Hope is not the same thing as optimism. It is not the conviction that something will turn out well, but the certainty that something makes sense, regardless of how it turns out. In short, I think that the deepest and most important form of hope, the only one that can keep us above water and urge us to good works, and the only true source of the breathtaking dimension of the human spirit and its efforts, is something we get, as it were, from ‘elsewhere.’ It is also this hope, above all, that gives us the strength to live and continually to try new things, even in conditions that seem as hopeless as ours do, here and now.” ― Vaclav Havel

#30: The limited runway

I lived in very sunny Miami for eight years. Not once did I fear the onset of winter or worry about endless overcast days. Because it was always sunny, I also don’t recall ever rushing outside to feel the sun on my skin. I had plenty of time and opportunity to enjoy the warm sun and water and I certainly let a whole lot of it slip; I didn’t grasp the bounty that was being offered to me. Then I moved to Seattle and realized how good sun could feel. The overcast winter makes it so that when sun does arrive, I instinctively pause to feel its warmth on my skin. I don’t have to try very hard, it just happens. And not only to me, to everyone I know. We all rush out on vibrant days to inhale the bounty of life that strengthens our bones and hearts. I have never adored sun like I do when in Seattle.

The same can be said for life. We often don’t realize the unbelievable bounty that is life until we come face to face with its slippage. The hard knock of loss of a love that irreversibly changes our lens and we notice that we’ve started hungrily absorbing the contours of those we love, fully realizing how precious every moment with them is.  Or the drastic change in health that reminds us to savor the mobility and ease of painless days.

Really, how else would we grasp life’s value? How can we know we have abundance when we haven’t encountered lack, or fully appreciate our physical vibrance when we haven’t experienced ill-health. We come cloaked in this body―breath, bones, tissue, dreams―and the main job of our early years is to get comfortable being in it. We’re surrounded by faces we think will always be by our side. Acts of survival demand us to embrace rhythms and over time, without ever knowing, we get completely absorbed in them. A part of me sometimes craves that mirage of stability; this seemingly “normal” life before the veil was lifted. But over time I have also come to see loss as life’s amnesia-busting tool. On better days when the dust of grief is more settled, we might see that our seemingly ordinary lives are cosmic jackpots! That a very specific confluence of factors in time and space led to us being born in this body, with these people, with these experiences, skills, hopes and dreams. It’s immaterial whether we believe our presence to be due to divine ordinance or an atomic fluke. The fact that we are here as we are feels precious if we allow ourselves the space to really sink into the reality of our limited runway on earth and the mindboggling potential this presents.

Impermanence creates a powerful womb for intentional action.  Only when we hear the echo of the ticking clock do we gain resolve to stand up. Only when we understand that the runway is limited do we muster enough courage to take off.

“You know what happens when you dream of falling? Sometimes you wake up. Sometimes the fall kills you. And sometimes, when you fall, you fly.” ― Neil Gaiman

#9: You are the 4-minute mile

Roger Bannister was the first human to run a four-minute mile. Athletes had been chasing this goal for decades until that point, and have accomplished it almost 1,500 times since. When you see a person break barriers, it changes something inside. A small part of you starts unfurling to embrace more ease and less fear. Even more so if it’s someone you can identify with, or they had to overcome similar or greater odds. Their achievement gives you faith and confidence in yourself, which is a precursor to dreaming and then resourcing yourself to action those dreams.

A friend’s courage in having her child against odds made the idea of family accessible to me. 77-year-old Nancy Pelosi’s eight-hour speech (in four-inch heels) on a topic she was passionate about gave a new face to how I think of stamina and aging. That Mother Teresa could make a significant difference in the world while privately facing spiritual doubt gave faith a more nuanced color. All these people are quite different from me, but there is a part of their story that some part of me was hoping could be true. When I saw their stories, I quietly added a patch to my personal tapestry of vision and motivation. There are countless people who helped me through their example in ways they will never know. This is what people mean when they say stories matter. We need all types of examples and all types of stories. Maybe one day that spark I need comes from an elderly white man who faced unexpected and excruciating personal loss, repeatedly, and still rose up (Joe Biden) or a conservative Mormon who had the courage to go against the grain (Mitt Romney). My point here isn’t political; these people happened to be top of mind on the day I made this observation.

The point is that each of us living fully in a way that is truly and uniquely us, allows us to be that 4-minute mile for another human. We just pass along the motivation, faith, and courage that has been passed on to us. And it’s ok if we never know whom we impacted.

“That we can make a house called tomorrow.
What we bring, finally, into the new day, every day,

Is ourselves.  And that’s all we need
To start.  That’s everything we require to keep going.

Look back only for as long as you must,
Then go forward into the history you will make.

Be good, then better.  Write books.  Cure disease.
Make us proud.  Make yourself proud.

And those who came before you?  When you hear thunder,
Hear it as their applause.”
— Alberto Ríos