Working Meditation

Observations on Human Connection & Contribution

Home » Beauty » Page 2

#99: Becoming a person through other people (India Diaries)

I was back home in India for a few months. As is to be expected, the longer visit allowed for more quality time with loved ones and the long absence that preceded it made me more aware of their impact.

People often brought up something I said or did as a child, a teenager, or even on a prior visit. Frequent interactions like these and it started to feel like my actions had turned into memory confetti, spread out in the minds of my loved ones. And when they reflected back, I received a piece that I could recombine with my pieces to get a glimpse of who I was at a certain point in my life. I was especially taken aback when I remembered little and they remembered much. I saw this old me, sometimes with surprise and at others with delight. Still similar in some aspects and changed in others.

For instance, I had little memory of writing letters to a dear cousin as a teenager and was touched that she saved them all. I’m still that person. I still write cards and save the meaningful notes written for me. Another cousin remembered a long-forgotten teenage crush in much detail; I’ve moved on from that one (Ha!). I also noted how much my moods and moments impacted others, whether it was humor, angst or anger.

Our daily attention is mostly tied to lining up the wobbly set of resources we’re given into a life path. As we blaze through that path, we embed memories in each other through interactions. The closer we are, the more those memories are cherished and when we circle back to these beloved humans, we see ourselves more fully. We add back long-forgotten details to our psyche, color to our life, and meaning to our path. If we never circle back to those we’ve walked the path with, we forget big and important pieces of ourselves.

The African philosophy of Ubuntu is summarized as “I am because you are” and I felt the full force of this wisdom surrounded by the many who shaped and continue to shape me.

“Since there is no place large enough
to contain so much happiness,
you shrug, you raise your hands, and it flows out of you
into everything you touch. You are not responsible.
You take no credit, as the night sky takes no credit
for the moon, but continues to hold it, and share it,
and in that way, be known.”
― “So Much Happiness” by Naomi Shihab Nye: poet, editor, songwriter, and novelist

#98: The loves of our life (India Diaries)

You might have heard this proclamation that “so and so is the love of my life”. These statements are often reserved for romantic love and sometimes extended to cover children.

I wonder though if this language limits the full expression of our love. Why do we have to limit to one person or one type of love? Who is to say that the bond one shares with a sibling or cousin (often our first potential friends) is any less than bonds made later in life. A best friend can be the most nurturing relationship we’ve ever had. Ties with parents and grandparents can grow into friendship and delightful affinity. We’re blessed with many different types of loves, all rich in their own ways. Why the compulsion to rank and reduce through comparison?  

A fulfilling life is one with many loves. I just spent three months with several loves of my life and I’m better for it.

“What was said to the rose that made it open was said
to me here in my chest.
What was told the cypress that made it strong
and straight, what was
whispered the jasmine so it is what it is, whatever made
sugarcane sweet…”
― Jalal al-Din Rumi, 13th century Persian poet

#94: Body as an instrument

I was recently unwell in a way where a concoction of things, chronic and acute, had me in bed for a few days. Eight punishing issues were cropping up at once. I tried not to add value judgments, which helped reduce mental chatter and made it easier for me to go with the flow. I alternated work-in-bed, Netflix-in-bed, reading and rest based on what my body could handle. By the second day, the observer in me starting seeing each issue as a thread of human experience: gastric distress, back spasms, inflamed adductor, twisted pelvis and grief just to name a few. I thought of people who had dealt with these threads at one point or another. I examined the threads that were new to me.

For example: When people had back problems, I understood theoretically but not until this experience did I really “get it”. I felt from inside how completely debilitating a back spasm could be. How all bodily movements, not some, are silently supported by our core. I knew that our core includes our back and not just the abdomen, and that true abdominal strength comes from deeper muscles and not just the surface-level 6-pack muscle. Yet, not until this event did I patiently isolate and feel the firing of different layers of core muscles. I finally played with the exquisitely designed jigsaw puzzle made of bones, muscles and tendons from inside my animal.

There is sometimes a struggle in spiritual practice about whether it’s more important for us to nurture the spirit or the body. The body is seen as temporary while the spirit more lasting. And I absolutely get this wisdom; I’ve personally benefitted from feeding my spiritual wellbeing in dark moments. But…we are clothed in this earthly bodysuit till our dying breath. If we don’t have a body, we are literally not alive. Like all animals, we have sophisticated abilities for functional activity, growth, reproduction, and continual change before eventual death, and we also face periodic glitches. I have come to see that this glitch-ridden experience inside our frequently painful bodysuit is how we unlock our spiritual practices. Body is where the nuggets of insight, wisdom and empathy live.

We can’t each go through the countless human experiences to be had. But we can go through some. Some of us will face cancers, heart attacks, severe burns, while others will face chronic migraines, irritable bowels and weak bones. Some will have the ache of untimely loss, addiction, and postpartum depression, while others will have to care for a parent with Alzheimer’s or a schizophrenic sibling. Between all of us, we cover the entirety of human experience.

Modern tech would have you believe that intelligent life can operate without a body, while simply simulating the predictive capacity of the brain. What we completely miss is that true intelligence isn’t just prediction, it’s also compassion and resilience birthed from painful surprises. This is the valuable journey that a human body allows. Over time, we can become instruments of all that is tender and powerful at the same time. Like a tree that filters environmental toxins and releases oxygen.

“It is not our job to remain whole.
We came to lose our leaves
Like the trees, and be born again,
Drawing up from the great roots.”― Robert Bly, poet

#92: Action after awe

We’ve all experienced awe at some point in life. It’s the feeling of wonder when we’re in the presence of something that alters our understanding of the world. It’s often an encounter with vastness that snaps us out of our small realities. Some awe-inducers include: endless stars in the night sky, majestic redwood forests, birth of a child, the overview effect astronauts experience upon seeing our fragile earth from space, hearing an accomplished musician live, being in the presence of a wildly respected human, or learning about say the theory of relativity*.

This fascinating research on awe mentions that all forms of awe are characterized by two phenomena: “perceived vastness” and a “need for accommodation”. “Perceived vastness” comes from encounters with something or someone that is vast or profound, or from observing something physically large. Since this vastness often violates our normal understanding of the world, awe-experiences evoke a “need for accommodation”. This means that this state lends itself to modifying the mental constructs that we implicitly use to make sense of the world and act in it.

Here’s a perfect summary, verbatim from the awe-researchers —“This need for cognitive realignment is an essential part of the awe experience. Awe is also accompanied by feelings of self-diminishment and increased connectedness with other people. Experiencing awe often puts people in a self-transcendent state where they focus less on themselves and feel more a part of a larger whole. In this way, awe can be considered an altered state of consciousness, akin to a flow state, in addition to an emotional state.”

So now that we know this, think back to your last encounter with awe: What did you do after that memorable camping trip in the great outdoors? What action did you take after absorbing ancient wisdom from that wise sage? How did you cultivate the awareness that your local symphony orchestra unlocked? What did you do after hearing that brilliant and engaging professor speak? How long did the heart-opening after the birth of your child last? 

There is power in awe but there is forgetfulness in life. We can feel dwarfed and tap into wonder in the presence of the vast night sky, ancient wisdom, music, deep intellect or a tiny human. But what we do after feeling joyfully speechless is the key to creating the world we want to live in. We are taught discontent at every turn but awe drops us squarely in the middle of gratitude and human-connectedness.

Awe is a profound gift in our short-term focused and often fear-driven lives. But it’s only a gift if we channel this fleeting awareness back into our thoughts and actions somehow. The ultimate promise and value of awe is full-bodied, openhearted presence and action…we can’t stay stuck in awe. 

“However many holy words you read,
However many you speak,
What good will they do you
If you do not act on upon them?”— Buddha

*In case you’re interested – Albert Einstein, in his theory of relativity, found that space and time were interwoven into a single continuum known as space-time. And events that occur at the same time for one observer could occur at different times for another.

#86: Influencers

According to a 2019 survey of 2,000 Americans ages 13-38, 86% were willing to try out social media influencing for work. Truthfully, at first, this headline fueled my cynical side but a quick look at the motivations cited helped me see people’s underlying humanity. People weren’t just motivated by making money or getting free products, they wanted to make a difference, have flexible working hours and share ideas with others. They also wanted to have fun. Fame ranked lowest on the list. There’s a market for influencers because people trust those that appear to be everyday folk like themselves vs. those with too much celebrity and fame. But there is a bit of a trap here. In the same study, only 12% of people considered themselves influencers.

Influence is the capacity to have an effect on the character, development, or behavior of someone or something. When we think of the term “influencer”, our default is to think in a social media marketing sense given popular jargon. In this context, the influencer’s goal is to typically make us buy something. This is neither everyone’s passion and skill, nor should it be. I would hate to live in a world where every human became a walking billboard. Besides, lets not forget that each of us is an influencer with far more weight than we realize.

My life has been influenced by the everyday presence, words and examples of my parents, husband, aunts and uncles, siblings and cousins, in-laws, friends, teachers, mentors, co-workers, neighbors and acquaintances. I’ve even been influenced by strangers. I’ve absorbed the most profound lessons of love, compassion and generosity, of courage and humility, of patience and sacrifice. These lessons and experiences came silently and without fanfare or observers. When eventually I picked books from wise sages and they invoked these traits, I didn’t have a hard time relating because I had everyday examples. The realization that I was surrounded by exemplary people day in and day out made me more thankful, peaceful and joyous in my existence.

On the flip side, I’ve also been negatively influenced by others when I shrank myself after I was made to feel less-than. We humans have the power to do that to each other. Let’s never forget that our every interaction is an opportunity for influence and that we can choose to be constructive and generative. 100% of us are influencers.

Written in honor of my biggest influencer, my precious Mother. Happy birthday, Ma!

“My daughter is strong. My daughter is brave.”― My Mom, during my weakest moments