Over the last month, my attention has been diverted towards a talkative and high-energy addition to my household. As I adjust my routines and environment for my new cat, she seems to be on a mission to dismantle my concentration, sleep, and schedule. As a first time pet-friend, I didn’t realize how these early stages can present a new problem on a daily basis and as I solve my way through, I’ve been thinking about the role of attention in our lives.
The quality and makeup of our attention is often what determines the state of our mind, emotions, and actions. Over time, these everyday things color and define a life. Attention also determines our time-spent. Time-consumed. Time-felt. Time-lived. In this sense attention is really the essense of time. So, here are some musings around attention:
- Can one be addicted to focus? I’ve figured out the routine that works with my rhythms and work demands. I find that writing is best done in the mornings, when I have access to my internal silence, and the business-related work requires deep and sustained focus to absorb and thread together new ideas. After trial and error, I arranged my life in a relatively effective schedule. The cat has made it clear that this precision is sometimes untenable. Ofcourse our rhythms crave structure but when circumstances toss that structure out the window, we’re better off responding and not reacting. Here is a sequential summary of my reaction: frantic problem solving, followed by frustration, then detonation; and finally curiosity, which made it easier to experiment (7 different wet foods, ~12 toys, 2 pet gates, 2 rugs, 3 different furniture-scratching repellants…I could go on). The point is that my concentration and focus can’t be dependent on library-level orchestration and I have to mold new structures and rituals that are more permeable. A small example: In the past, I would shut the office door to signal the start of my work day but the cat becomes overly needy and disruptive if I don’t leave it ajar for her to come and go as she pleases. My new ritual is to take a few breaths when I arrive at my desk. I also expect her unexpected arrival knowing that her interruptions are typically no longer than five-minutes. Part of cultivating presence is cultivating presence towards whatever comes up but it’s easier said than done. We create an illusion of control precisely because we don’t know what will come up. I read somewhere that “confidence is more bending, confidence doesn’t clutch control.” It rings true.
- How can we intentionally switch attention? Mindfulness practices recommend that we put our minds where our hands are. Working parents are forced to do this–they switch gears towards work deliverables and have to keep the kids out of focus and then at home, they have to be present to whatever comes up, even when they are depleted. But their boundaries often need to be permeable, as we’ve seen even more clearly during the Covid-era. While caring for a pet is not the same as caring for a child, the desire to keep this creature safe and thriving, and the moments of disruption feel oddly similar. I’m going to actively apply the “put your mind where your hands are” philosophy as she settles in.
- And most importantly…what deserves our attention? While this is a very personal question, when we get down to the fundamentals, anything that moves us towards more equanimity, love and connection deserves attention. Loving someone can be quite a growth oriented practice. We don’t control the object of our affection and their outcomes, we can’t always control how they impact us, yet we love them. That unconditionality of presence, the come what may. That is what giving attention to love teaches us. When we exchange love, care, affection and accompaniment with someone, we build their foundation and ours. Yes, even if that someone is a cat.
“Your task is to love what you don’t understand.”― Rainer Maria Rilke
